Its happening. Something big has happened in my life. Probably not for the greater good, not on my end at least. I guess Im stronger then I thought because it seems I've come to accept it (sort of) in such a short time. Now that I think about it, I knew what was comming. I guess I jus needed the answers to be renforced. So, starting now I'm going to be changing. Probably not so far from who I am today, but I know I'll be different somehow. After this, I probably won't be heard from for awhile. Not like the majority of you care; although I know there are some of you who do. You know who you are.

A part of this change is I'm going to seek help. I'm a pretty fucked up person, even though it doesn't seem like it. There are so many things wrong with my life, and with this big moment happening I've come to realize I've got to straighten myself out. Its going to be hard, but it must be done. Even though I despise the thought, I'm going to be going back on medication. This is the fifth time in my life I'll be doing so. I hate it because to me, I jus don't feel like while on them I'm not my true self. Even if my true self is a fucked up, suicidal, depressed fuck. It just makes me feel as if I'm not in control, and I hate that feeling. But, to get in a better place though, it seems like the right path. Right?

TIME FOR OTHER SHIT! Caution: there may be some rambling.

Alright. With all that out of the way, some small things to mention. I'm going to try and bring back my "artistic talents" and start drawing again. Last time I wrote something on here I had mentioned I did some doodles. Well, I'm aiming to finish them. Some I actually like! Which is very odd if you knew me well... or for that matter, read any of the shit I put on here. There's probably two or three of you, four at the most.

On a side note, I'm going to dye my hair again. So far, the color in mind is dark green. Haven't done that color in a long time. Whatcha think?

Once again, I'm going to have to send in my xbox. Since I've gotten it "repaired" the first time, I've gotten the red ring of death on two occasions. The first time, all I did was basicly beat the crap out of it, turned it off then on again and boom! It worked. I guess in some cases violence is the answer! The second time, I jus turned it on and of and it worked. But now the laser that reads the discs is fucked up. Only the games with almost zero scratches on it will work. Such as CoD5 and DBZ.

Oh, another thing about my Xbox troubles. I had an old 20 Gig hard drive from my first xbox right? After I got my Elite one, I still used the old hard drive because I could afford to buy a memory card ans transfer all my stuff to the new one. Well, I was talking to my friend Kevin (who I still want to punch in the face for fucking things up) told me that all I had to do was hook up the new hard drive and just recover my gamertag. Doing so, would transfer all of my achivements, gamer score and memory to the new hard drive. Everything except things I downloaded off of the Xbox Live Marketplace. Which was cool, because I could get it all back. Anyway, I do so, format the old hard drive and sold it to Gamestop so I could get CoD5. On a side note, that place is a major rip off. They will sell you a 20 Gig hard drive for 60 dollars, if you sell it to them, you get 18 dollars. So basicly they make a 102 dollars off of one hard drive. The money they fuck you over on and the money they get for selling it. Fucking bastards. Anywho, I come home and play my new game and untill I put in a game where I actually had previous game saves for, I realized all my memory is gone! Every thing I played for is gone. A few good things about it though; one game I can get a high score achivement which I couldn't get before and now I got somethin to do.

Enough of the gamer shit. I knew you were thinking that. Remember how I said I was trying to get a job somewhere doing overnight stock? Well, no place has called me back even after I called in and they said they would. It surprised me sort of, black friday was comming up, the christmas holiday, and then the "end of the year" sales. You'd think they need some extra hands right? I gues our economy is really fucked huh?

Holy shit I wrote a lot. Anything after the first two paragraphs just feels like filler. Oh well, I felt like writing. Can't sleep, you know the drill. Guess I'll end it here. Wish me luck on everything.

One more thing. Wow! Since my last post I haven't gotten a single thing for my page. I put up some stuff and not one damn comment. I was silly to expect something. Sorry if I seem like a dick, I had a few drinks tonight.

Johnny P.
5:21 AM
12-7-08